Gilded Cages

It's the same everytime. I always end up thinking the same things when I visit my beloved Camden. I feel like I'm going home. I feel like, just for a moment, everything is ok. Not fine, not perfect, but somehow bearable. It soothes me. Now as I ride the rickety black thread I am a little anxious. I am embarrassed. I am ashamed, because I am no longer fearless. I can no longer claim to care nothing for the opinions of others. I have become someone else. I am no longer my own person. I am losing my identity. I do not have the energy to be wild anymore. I disappoint myself. Sometimes I try hard to regain it, but even if it comes back to me for a little while, it is soon gone. I am no longer fierce. I am no longer savage. Gone are the days when I couldn't be tamed. I have been caged.

Green eyes through bars of a golden cage...

I can't talk to you anymore. You only see the outside, you don't look past the golden case. Oh so pretty you're too normal for me. So pretty. Not inside. Bursting damaged twisted distorted warped  s c r e a m i n g.

Here I go again,
Dancing in the pouring rain,
On the road breaks are screaming,
Headlights flashing,
My heart is dreaming.

Mona Lisa, I'd pay to see you frown.
You seem a bit down.
Crashing down.
I don't feel like joining in with the parade today.
Clowns all around me, it's a cross I need to bear, all this black and cruel despair...
Contemplate or wish away IF I ASK YOU NOT TO STAY

What is the point of pretence?
Tears softly falling onto the stone tiles of your en-suite bathroom...
I feel your hesitation in each embrace. I hold you tighter to crush the pain.
You are way too normal to handle me.
Perhaps I am self-destructive. Either way you are oblivious. How can you not see?
My Immortal, what do I do? We've fallen away, but I still need you. There is no one like you. Only you feel my pain. I wish I could help you. I wish you could help me. Hold me for eternity.
So normal. So calm. So ordinary. Will you ever awake? What can I do to make you see? Please open your eyes. Why so serious?

WHY SO SERIOUS??!!

I was just trying to run away, to forget if only for a second, an afternoon, a day. I just wanted to escape and remember how it felt to smile. Really smile. To not have to fake it. Now I have tasted escape I want it again. I want it more. As it gets worse I need it again. And it's getting worse. You are no longer my escape. I can't run away with you. You are becoming just another thing to run from. Every time I run to you you push me away. Soon I will be running away and you'll be chasing me.

You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man!

In the night as I sit and watch you sleep, you know I cry but you never want to see...